Iar pentru urmatoarele cer scuze de lungime a postului, dar sunt prea tari.Controller to aircraft that just landed: "Bear right, next intersection"
Pilot: "Roger, we have him in sight"
True conversation heard at Hanover Airport. The young woman in Tower has recently finished her training and is still not completely at ease. BA XXX is at holding position runway 09R. Another aircraft is doing approach procedures for a landing on the same runway. Tower wishes to expedite take-off for BA XXX:
Tower: BA XXX, are you ready for a quickie ?
BA XXX: Lady, I'm always ready for a quickie, but first I have to fly this plane to Helsinki !
ATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? "
Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating.
ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years."
(Transmission as a DC-10 rolls out long after a fast landing...)
San Jose Tower: American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.
(Heard on the radio - Really )
Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"
Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
Tower: "xxxx, clear to land"
XXXX: "roger"
Tower: "xxxx, I can not see any landing gear. Is your gear down?"
XXXX: "Say again, I can't hear you because there a some darn horn blaring in my ear!"
Tower: "Your landing gear is NOT DOWN"
XXXX: "Say what, I can't understand you"
Tower: "Your landing gear is ..... aw shit."
Just for everyone's information, Korso is a district of Vantaa, Finland.
It was a sunny day at EFHK (Helsinki-Vantaa) and a Finnair MD-11 was moving towards rwy 22L.
FIN MD: Tower, those photographers should be moved from their place...
Tower: Fin MD: They have a permission for being (a short pause)
FIN MD: Tower: They really should be removed.
Tower: Fin MD: They really have a permission...
(a pause again)
Fin MD: Tower: We're lined up on rwy 22L. Remove those photographers.
Tower: Fin MD: For the last time. They have a permission, so they won't be removed!
Fin MD: Tower: Ok then. Will be flying to Beijing and those boys will fly to Korso!Cessna 152: "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred"
Controller: "Roger, contact Houston Space Centre"
Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to departure...by the way as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "National 63 cleared for takeoff...did you copy the report from Eastern?"
National 63: "Roger, Tower, cleared for takeoff... yes, we've already notified our caterers."
ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."
N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."
N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."
N123YZ: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated
Pilot: Oakland Ground, Cessna 1234 at Sierra Academy. Taxi, Destination Stockton
Ground: Cessna 1234, Taxi Approved, report leaving the airport
Controller: "AAL235 contact tower on 117.30"
Pilot: "Roger, tower on 123.50"
Pilot: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS 16."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower."
Pilot: (short break) "Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!"
Pilot: (short break again) "Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?"
Tower: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!
Pilot: (once again short break) "But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!"
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava."
Tower: "Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading."
Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..."
Tower: "Hotel Papa Oscar climb four thousand to six thousand and maintain."
Pilot: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climbing flight level 100."
Tower: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climb to flight level 60 and maintain."
Pilot: "But four plus six is ten, isn't it?"
Tower: "You should climb, not add up."
A beautiful summer day with good thermals, near Billund airport, Denmark:
Billund ATC: "Gliders 82 and D5, state position and altitude?"
82: Overhead Coal Lake, 6400 feet."
D5: "Same position, same altitude."
ATC (cool, dry voice): "So should I go get my collision report form?"
Tower: "Aircraft on final, go around, there's an aircraft on the runway!"
Pilot Trainee: "Roger" (pilot continues approach)
Tower: "Aircraft, I said GO AROUND!!!"!
Pilot Trainee: "Roger"
The trainee doesn't react, lands the aircraft on the numbers, rolls to a twin standing in the middle of the runway, goes around the twin and continues to the taxiway.
Tower: "Mission 123, do you have problems?"
Pilot: "I think, I have lost my compass."
Tower: "Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel!"
Controller: "CRX600, are you on course to SUL?"
Pilot: "More or less."
Controller: "So proceed a little bit more to SUL."
Pilot: "Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please."
Tower: "KLM 242 expect start up in two hours."
Pilot: "Please confirm: two hours delay?"
Tower: "Affirmative."
Pilot: "In that case, cancel the good morning!"
GFK APPROACH: "Sioux-114, would you mind switching to 118.1? We'd like to check that frequency."
SX114: "Grand Forks Approach, Sioux 114, frequency change approved as requested. Switch to my frequency 118.1."
A decade ago or so I was in the back seat of a motor-glider being flown to a local airport for some repair work on a noisy muffler.
Control: You're unreadable, say again.
Us: I've turned off the engine, is that better?
Control: L..o..n..g pause
Female terminal controller to a male pilot after a lengthy request: "Last time I gave a pilot everything he wanted, I was on antibiotics for three weeks."
Unknown Aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!".
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!"
Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
Cessna 152: "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred"
Controller: "Roger, contact Houston Space Centre"
Acasa 
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